The art of the devil on my arm is more obvious today... when the lines darken with blood covering them. Throughout my whole day... I was hiding them under my sleeves and they somehow screamed to be noticed...
My head hurts from the bang on the wall when I desperately needed relieve from the talk with you... Everything is spinning from that moment on, even till now...
The day was a rather dreadful one.
I isolated myself from all those who seems to care. But when I take a closer look, I don't really know... I guess I wanted too much attention but that won't happen when people have happier things to face. I just don't wanna be left alone, but I am making that happen... The more I am with people, the lonelier I get. But when I am alone, there are things which I can't control myself from not doing... it's scary...
I ran with friends during their NAPFA test... and it did not take my mind off anything. I made myself very tired, very giddy and very weak... But I didn't wanna care about my body. The more stress or pressure I gave to it, the better it will be, cause' I am waiting for the day I finally collapsed...
I have lost a lot of my appetite... been eating lesser lately. Everything that I put into my mouth now, feels weird. I even feel like vomiting after every time I ate anything... I don't know what to do.
Just now, when I was taking my bath, I was reminded of the pain when water ran past my wounds. They are like the blades I used, just more gentle, slicing through. When staring at my naked body, the wounds are even more obvious due to my white body. They seems to glow...
I am shutting myself off from people... and it will be really soon I am going to really fall apart.
I lost my heart, my soul and my body... and if I have the courage, I would be
gone.
